60 Seconds (a non poem)

we're all converged at the waiting lounge
waiting to board the ferry
a little girl throws a tantrum
she wants the straw bag she saw just before check in
that her father and time didn't allow
she sits at the edge of the row
one seat separates her and her mom
she places her body 45 degrees away
looking the other way
but she keeps an eye on her parents
from the corner of her left eye
she looks
an oddly familiar sound trails from the immigration room
i try to place it
and immediately smile
when i recall how a typewriter sounds
fresh words punched on a fresh white sheet
the brand new lines scent the room
with nostalgia
and new beginnings
all at once
there are accents too
from all over
that drown into the background
from where i am
i taste the ocean breeze
with each baby breath
comforted by the cleansing
and the lavender lotion
sunk deep in the pores of my skin
the overhead speaker chimes
and a flow of bahasa erases the moment
with instructions to board
i must now go

life's a beach

you know life's a beach




when the food's great...ooooh grilled seafood!




when you travel light - who needs baggage!



when you look like you're in a rave while doing some mickey mouse club dance routine!



when a day's work throws you tough questions like pool or beach? pool or beach? pool or beach?











when you stand in the middle of no where to take a picture!










when you put your feet up!











when you can bleach out your uneven tan!












when the ocean looks like slurpee!

tired & breathless

there's a tightness in my chest & and just couple of hours ago as i was packing up my shit and shutting down my computer at work i noticed i was kinda breathless.

i stll am

sometimes when the day passes me by and when the adrenaline and stress of work creeps up on - i subsconsciously hold my breath. don;t ask me why. but it has that effect.

i've been thinking alot about the quality of life i wanna live and have many times come to the same conclusion that I would like slow down some.

my sister rosemary once laughed when i blurted out: "let's quickly relax"

i'd like someone to show me how to slow down some.

***

I came home, walking into a living room filled with open luggage and bags on the the floor.

my parents and brother have just returned from a work/holiday trip in Bangkok.

As i was gorging my hungry stomach with fish fillet, veges & shrimp and white rice - i found myself trying to listen to Ace sing on American Idol, rosy raving about Ace, and my mom dangling two pairs of shoes she bought for me... "which is your size, which is your size?

meanwhile krissa is cramming into the little space behind my chair, trying to push her pram with elmo sitted on it and lugging a new batman haversack from bangkok.

at this point in time Ace is halfway singing through George Miachel's father figure and my mom has to bring out two auntie looking shirts to entice me with.

I say "yes!" to Ace and "No" to the shirts.

as Ace hits his last high note, i grunted: "mom you're stressing me out... can i not decide on the shoes or the shirts now" and was immediately feeling guilty for being rude.

a strained "thank you" escapes me.

i'm feeling breathless as i chomp on dinner and participate in the Cirque de soleil that has descended on my space.

i'm such a party pooper cos everyone seemed relaxed but me.

i need to slow down.

***

I see M online, but his status is away.

he's been mad at me for the last couple of days. something about me being an ass, and he being selfish.

so weird how juvenile we can be.

i did try making peace. but my efforts backfired. think he hates now.

guess he'll never ask me for breakfast again.

***

on my way home. during the taxi i was talking to K - who'sback in singapore. he'sbecome a stranger now. funny how, just in my not too distant memory, he promised we'll always be special friends. im thinking now he means that in a retarded way. hetoldme he'smoving to new york. looks like every one i either moving to new york or london these days.

i wanna drop out and live in bali. write my shit & have a flower bath every day for the rest of my life.

any takers?

***

i'll start slow on going slow.

i'll take off tomo and won't come back till sun.

i'm gonna get up when i do. eat fresh seafood every day. a glass of wine for each meal. read. bask under sun. pamper my self with spa treatments. and do nothing.

will be back. with postcard pictures. of me feet, no doubt.

i'm talking rubbish today.

gonna sleep.gotta sleep.

sending my good night vibes to the universe.

The Meaning Of "It"

"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning." --Lao Tzu

My previous entry has caused some confusion among friends. When I exclaimed I wanted to let it go and and let it begin - someone thought "it" referred to a relationship. That a romance in my life had blossomed without her knowledge.

No "it" doesn't inidcate whirlwind romance. Perhaps "it" is about a relationship - a relationship I have with my life and the world around me.

I'm Catholic but Confucianism has always been taught to me in one way or another as iwas growing up. I shouldnt use "but" really cos catholicism and confucianism are not mutually exclusive.

During my O Levels exams, of the 8 subjects i took, i only scored "A" in one subject and that was in Confucian Ethics. And i never ever thought myself less as a christian/catholic.

In the Philosophy of LaoTzu, I've always been gripped by the theme of transcendence. His wisdom has opened my eyes to "it" and to embrace "it" endearingly with compassion.

OK. i should stop talking about "it" cos i may just be confusing more people.

I do enjoy thinking about such guiding principles of life though. fortunately or unfortunately, i just like thinking.

the other day at a party - the group splintered into little enclaves of conversations,

i sat with people like me. we were talking about thinking. and life.

as we talked: i came up with acouple of my own life philosophies.

"let love be the matrix of life. cos it breeds compassion in living."

"death is the greatest democracy, and so it must be that life in its own right is the bedrock of self empowerment"

Stand & Reflect

the other day in bed with a cold, i was on a long distance call with art for close to an hour. he was entertaining me. i was bored being homebound for the second day. he spent about 40 minutes reading back my blog entries. as he read, we laughed at the vulgarity of my indulgence. well to be honest, he didn't laugh, he presented me to me, and i laughed my head off. it's one thing to pen down your feelings and thoughts, but when someone recites your words back, you can't help but cringe. ewww. it makes you reflect upon your reflections...there i go again.

anyways, here's to the moment. let's stand & reflect and let be.

i give in & i give up. i'll let go and let it begin.

=)

stuck in my head

I have this tune stuck in my head.

"Come Here" by folk pop rock singer Kath Bloom, as featured on the soundtrack of Before Sunset.

Come Here

There's wind that blows in from the north.
And it says that loving takes this course.
Come here. Come here.
No I'm not impossible to touch I have never wanted you so much.
Come here. Come here.
Have I never laid down by your side.
Baby, let's forget about this pride.
Come here. Come here.
Well I'm in no hurry. Don't have to run away this time.
I know you're timid.
But it's gonna be all right this time.

p.s. still trying to figure out how to post a link to a mp3 music soundtrack... is that poss? hmmm.

#41 & mr burns

if you ask me what's the one dish i can eat at every meal...i have a stock answer ready. Item No. 41 at the Crystal Jade restaurant. It's roasted duck and chicken congee. YUMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE. I usually always ask for a serving of century egg to go with it. it's my ultimate comfort food. still down with the damn cold, i had this for lunch. simply delicious.

i love crystal jade.

hmmm
speaking of which i wonder where's mr burns these days?

for the last 8 years, as an avid fan for crystal jade, i've become fond of some of their more prominent staff. one who has held a great space in my memory bank is this chap whom i have endearingly called mr burns. WHY? cos he's the exact replica (ok ok, chinese replica) of homer simpson's boss - mr burns. i kid you not, from spot on receding hairline to goldfish eyes.

now when i first met mr burns, i was immediately blown away by his efficiency. unlike some other waiters, he takes orders quickly, emanating an air of sharpness that offers you comfort and confidence that your orders will never be misplaced or misunderstood. i've never been proven wrong about my assessment of mr burns.

from when i first met mr burns ( at the great world city outlet) he was already a manager. here's a couple of little known trivia about mr burns.

> he knows the crystal jade menu like no other human being. shout out an item number and before you can even find the dish on the menu list, he'd already have the name of the dish on his lips. he's amazin', he never fails to amaze me in this respect. whenever i go to crystal jade with the uninitiated, i would show off mr burns with much pride. once, my non-believer sister tried to test him by saying a number that was unlisted - only to get a index finger waving in her face. from then on, she never doubted.

> once i noticed mr burns at work with a couple of cuts and a bandaid on his face. as reporters, my colleagues and i probed. as it turned out, he was on site when the ginza plaza explosion happened....this was some while back.

>mr burns was last assigned to the holland village branch. but i've not seen him in a while

where are you mr burns?



for those who have no idea who i'm talking about..he looks somethg like this. i don't mean any of this in a mocking way. i really do wonder where he is... to me, mr burns and crystal jade go hand in hand.

now, i always order my food at crystal jade by the item list numbers.

it's always been #41, mr burns.

seafood dinner & chinese opera (wayang)

we had such a yummy dinner last night at this chinese seafood tze char shop at Tiong Poh Road in the Tiong Bahru area. Lobster noodles was S$40 a plate...according to my mom, "That's cheap!" We also went OTT on crabs. we had steamed crabs, chilli crabs and black pepper crabs!!! BLACK PEPPER was the best. To top the coffeeshop talk and buzz, there was a wayang show that went on as we ate. baby krissa took such great pictures of the show.

as usual, we all overate. i'm down with such a bad cold... but what's that they say? "starve a fever, feed a cold!"

arghh but i'm gaining weight, damn it.

among the nine of us, we had crabs done in three styles, kampong chicken, straw mushrooms with tau kee, kai lan green veges with garlic & seafood horfun!!! oh oh oh and the lobester noodles.

heeding the moment

uncle lets go...surrenders to his nap. it's high noon at telok ayer park.

my sister & I at B&B's wedding

conversations with the self

i went to corrine may's concert last night. it was at the NUS (National University of Singapore) cultural centre. after the 5th number, her songs began to sound the same. some had a touch of christian musical sentimentality to it after a while.

she has a great voice, no doubt about that, and her lyrics showed she was a fellow believer. in life. she sang of the redemptive/damning, explosive nature of love found and love lost. and being safe in a crazy world.

very empowering words.

i adore these (sometimes cheesy) words of freedom (of the esoteric), love and homecoming. collectively, they are my opium - in the marxist context. what more to string them in a song. they remind me of me. and urge me to notice the moment, to stow away moments as i move from where i am and away from them. and feel that the space i stand on is shifting, the world turning. and that i too must evolve in little revolutions of change - of which i may not understand but accept.

there have been lapses, plenty of them, when i stall. at these moments, songs & words come into play. and guide me along on the journey.

at a new wine bar last night, M tells me i should write more (on my blog) about everyday things. you know like what i ate for dinner, or what movie i watched or shopping. and moderate the esoteric, abstract conversations with myself (i'm paraphrasing). i really think that's what blogs are about. conversations with the self. it's a valve for the mind. yep> back to my theory of marking one's existence with (mundane) details just like a dog pees to mark its territory.

Ok, M. I'll moderate and start with breakfast details today.

I had a cuppa long black, one sugar. and a cheese, chicken and lettuce sandwich.
i was 10 minutes late for work. and rude to my mother this morning. i forgot about putting on make up for work. and i just noticed two tiny zits on my nose.

the suntan i got from sat is turning into a itchy sun burn. but i'm loving the colors. as i type, i feel the pinkish glow on my cheeks and the tip of my nose & shoulder blades flushing out the pasty pale. i'm feeling my new momentary (sp?) colors. it's making me feel all warm and fuzzy in the air conditioned office. it feels comforting.

i have to cough up some story ideas now. i have a blank screen (on another opened window) staring at me.

oh oh oh. corrine may quoted michaelangelo last night. it's one of those (sometimes cheesy - depends on your mood really -) lines agn, which i love.

she said he said: "i looked at the marble and saw an angel...so i carved it out to set it free."

okay. i'm sounding wimpy, sappy and whiney...eeeewww. i should stop.

back to work now.

broadway beng

ah pew aka seabasstian tan has made it!!! touted as the NEXT BIG THING!!! so proud of you!!! fab show - just can't stop laughing. i wanna be ah lian now... also wanna go to K BOX!!!

photo binge

just got my new digi cam! FINALLY! i love it to bits, it has a great zoom lens and has a super macro function.

here are some new pics...



crawling into bed with my ibook









remember bluey? he looks kinda angry here. ha ha









amy handmade this lavender sachet in hvar, croatia










hibiscus on my wall

hottest blogger???!!!*&%#????

today M messages me to tell me he's gonna vote me for hottest blogger.

"what's that? what do u mean?"

"wannanbe?"

we decided i should stick with my chinese name.

"soo lin"

just in case no one votes for me.







so i'm digging out some of my soo lin looking pics - just for the record.







hahahhahahha!

vote for soo lin! haahahaha! we're such goof balls.

"so what's the prize?" i ask

he says "i don't think there's one"

"what do you mean?" i ask

"ok ok you get 5,000 hits" he gives in.

haahhah. i think i'm going through my second teenagehood.