naked ambitions

it's my last day at work.

artie, a close friend in chicago, asked me recently if i've decided what i'd be wearing on my last day at the office.

"it's what people will remember you for the rest of their lives." he says via email.

last impressions last?!

when i first decided to make the move into creative writing fulltime... to more than nurse that novel of mine... i started off coy.

"i'm thinking of working on a personal project" was all i had to offer when people asked why i was leave my wonderful and exciting day job as a financial reporter.

but as more prodding came...

the layers buffering my true intentions began to peel off.

i'm left with.."i'm working on my first novel."

being initially coy had nothing to do with modesty. i must admit. but everything to do with the potential humiliation that would tag along (the fear of) possible failure - of not completing my novel. having nothing to show for.

but i feel blessed standing amid my naked ambitions now.

& for all the great support that have been streaming in the moment courage picked up momentum....so much so that i can now actually share some of my hopes openly.

"what's your novel gonna be about?" everyone asks.

all i'm left with is that scene in the movie sideways....when that can't-draw-to-save-his-life cartoonist rambled on and on... when posed the same question.

for now, i'll leave my rambling for another blog entry and just say that the novel is a modern take of alice in wonderland.

words words words are extremely powerful.

they muster strength with a single line. they feed your soul. make you cry. and make you laugh. they start revolutions of all kinds.
first on a personal level...

here are beautiful encouraging words from artie...a great writer with a hidden poet somewhere in him.

"Stop being so bashful about your writing. It"s what you want and you should be doing it with enthusiasm , all the time, in peoples' faces, without regard for humiliation.... as Chicago boys declare their street gang aspirations, intrusively, anyplace they can, on the side of an elevated car, the back of a garage door, underneath a viaduct.

Mark your turf."

& just yesterday, hanee, "my biggest fan" =) sent me flowers to say he's rooting for me all the way as i embark on this new journey! so so blessed.

& the other day over dinner with hanee and mia, the random couple we shared a table with at newtown circus asked for my name before they left the table.

i must have been talking about writing and the novel cos the man asked "what's your name? you've sold your first book!"

there are like angels everywhere.

i'm gushing at the love and kindness that surrounds me. i hope the gushiness has not annoyed anyone yet... i didn't mean for this entry to read like an episode of "Touched By an angel."

hahahah

it's a quarter to 8 and raining outside on my last day of work.

i'm thinking so many things..happy about so many things too this very second.

and i'm thinking...in a moment i'll go search for that last-day outfit to flaunt my naked ambitions. =)